Monday, January 31, 2011

A Few of My Favorite Cooks

This is by no means a comprehensive list.  But these are some people whose food I will eat, no matter what.  I crave invitations to eat in their homes, to graze on their offerings, to ingest whatever their hands have crafted.  I’m sure you have your own such list.  Here is mine:

-Emily Cooper
            My Em has been a close friend since just about forever.  We originally met at church camp in about the 3rd grade, I believe.  We became besties at New Way Singers in high school.  (Some of you know what that is.)  She took care of me in such a nurturing way our freshman year of college as roommates.  She made mac & cheese in her hot pot, fruit punch Kool-Aid in her pitcher, and tuna salad (canned tuna mixed with Miracle Whip) & crackers on her desk. (Ok, on her knee.  But it wasn't gross. Really.  Maybe it's just a college thing.)   She made my bed and was a homework inspiration.  (I’m a bit of a procrastinator & she was industrious in her studiousness.)  And she’s always been a bit of a “downhome” kind of cook.  I’m sad to say that we live in the same city (ish) but rarely have the get-togethers we should.  Why do we let busyness crowd out such pleasures?!  Anyway, I’ve had numerous meals over at her house that I’ve tried to emulate with near success, but I’d much rather just eat her fixings than try to make it myself.  She makes it look effortless!  Skillet pork chops & gravy over rice, ranch chicken & rice (topped with green beans, which sounds weird, but WORKS!), grilled ANYTHING, even her lettuce just tastes better than mine.  You are a privileged eater indeed if you get the opportunity to consume Em’s cooking. 

-Marti Arndt
            Jake’s aunt Marti is a treasure.  She loves to cook and loves to try new things.  (Sometimes I just wish she’d make the same thing over & over!!  Otherwise I forget about some of the delicious dishes I’ve had.)  She loves a reason to try out a new tool, recipe or ingredient.  She’s a Foodie’s Foodie.  Gourmet to the core, but not afraid of her hearty German heritage either.  One of the best gifts we get for our birthdays is a specially requested meal made by Marti.  That’s something you don’t want to squander on just anything, either.  I appreciate her love of food and know I’m a better cook for it.  I’ve passed on the fervor for her corn recipe to my family, some of whom make it more often than she does now!  Marti will take the time to make a dish right, which is why I request food items from her I’m not willing to put the time into to make right myself.  Like her veggie pizza appetizer.  It’s.  The.  Best.  EVER!!!  And she takes the time to chop all her veggies into teeny tiny pieces, which contributes to the incredibleness of the overall dish, I’m sure.  I am simply too lazy.  Which is probably why I’ll never reach the upper echelon of cookery where Marti resides.

-Rick & Erin Merrill
            With Erin’s pasta sauce and Rick’s love of food, they are a perfect pairing.  Rick makes amazing sweet & spicy bacon-wrapped grilled shrimp.  (Just about anything grilled, come to think of it.)  Erin makes incredible sauce, no matter what Rick says. :-)  And I know she’s a novice chef, but she’s gaining speed for sure.  Just the fact that she’s willing to endure a whole day of cooking & stirring to make that sauce puts her in a different category from me altogether!  Not to mention enduring Rick’s “constructive criticism”.  :-)  I will NEVER, EVER turn down an offer to eat at the Merrill’s.

-Amy & Curtis McGinnis
            These two are a true team when it comes to cooking.  I marvel at the thought!  And they are adventurous, too.  I love getting recipes that Amy recommends.  They are normally very ethnic, filled with wonderful new flavors.  They aren’t afraid of a little hard work & time spent in the kitchen to create something delicious, often crafting things from scratch.  Amy’s recent gluten-free diet is inspiring. (And helpful now that we're gluten-free too!)  They have a great balance between healthy and tasty.  And we share a love of great Mexican food, so they can’t go wrong by me!!  Oh, and we’re pretty close on Asian cuisine (mmm…PF Chang’s) though I haven’t entirely won them over to sushi yet.  Something to work on.

-Lisa Driver
            Lisa is a great cook and working at Omaha Steaks doesn’t hurt either.  But dessert is where she excels.  She loves to bake.  She loves chocolate.  What a great combo!!  Her Darn Good Chocolate Cake has been worthy of its own separate blogpost.  The fact that she’s baked her way through an entire cake cookbook is an amazing accomplishment and gastro feat!  I approve.

These are just a few of my favorite cooks currently.  Whose table will you gladly sit at time & time again?

Friday, January 28, 2011

Supersize Me

My husband and I lead a movie-watching small group at our church.  We love movies almost as much as we love food.  The two hobbies marry quite nicely, actually.  Dinner and a movie, anyone? 

Recently our small group watched the Morgan Spurlock documentary “Supersize Me”.  This was a second viewing for Jake & I.  We watched it several years ago, closer to when it originally came out (2004). 

I was astonished when we viewed it the first time.  The second time I was ashamed.  Mostly because I knew this information, I’d had access to it, and I still chose to ignore it (for the most part). 

If you haven’t seen it, you should.  It’s on Netflix Instant, for crying out loud. (Or at least it was.  That changes quickly sometimes.)  Doesn’t get much more accessible.

Mr. Spurlock is a blast.  He’s interesting to watch and fun to listen to.  Our whole group recalled with glee his plan to punch his kids in the face when they pass a fast food restaurant so they’ll correlate pain with fast food.  (This is in reference to the idea that kids associate happiness with McDonald’s, as that is the place they share early memories of birthday parties, Happy Meals with fun toys, family dinners with parents, playgrounds, cartoon characters / mascots like Ronald McDonald which are aimed directly at children.)

The physical results of his 30-day McDonald’s experiment are shocking.  Not just to him and us, the laypeople.  But to the doctors who monitor him as well. 

One of the most frustrating comments made during the movie, however, is by a middle school employee who is in charge of the food service at that school.  She says they try to teach the students about health and “hope they make good choices” for their daily lunches.  This is said in reference to the fact that many students choose French fries and candy bars for their lunches, since they’re given that option.  I’m sorry, but since when do we just “hope” that children make good choices?! 

I appreciated one public school that was making the choice to serve healthy, entirely homemade meals that cost the same as the prepackaged government meals other schools were serving.  They banned soft drinks as well and saw an incredible improvement in their students.  These students also happened to be “behavioral problem” students, though after the healthier food service changes were made, significant improvement was seen in & outside of the classroom. 

It’s amazing what food can do.  The right food, that is. 

It was also amazing to see what the wrong food can do.  The wrong food, much like alcohol, can apparently pickle a completely healthy person’s liver in about 30 days.  Just FYI. 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Chipotle Reviewed

Most of you know my long-held view that Chipotle relies entirely too much on the nasty herb cilantro.  Like a villain in my own personal nightmare, it seems cilantro is woven into every morsel you taste at this particular restaurant.  The chicken is marinated in it.  The rice is crawling with it.  Predictably, every kind of salsa is married to it.

In the past, I’ve been able to find a few items that are either cilantro-free (crispy carnitas tacos) or aren’t quite so enmeshed that I’m unable to pick it out (guacamole).  I’ve been known to make a meal of guac and chips at Chipotle.  (More on the chips to come.)  These items are fine, but not meals that have had me raving or coming back for more on a consistent basis.  Much to my husband’s dismay.

However!!  I’ve recently found a meal that is both cilantro-free and mouth-watering for me.  Something I will gladly agree to dining at Chipotle for. 

Are you ready for it?! 

The crispy veggie tacos.

I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me before.  Probably because I’m a hardcore, ingrained meat eater.  But adding sautéed peppers & onions to a crispy taco shell, covering it in tasty cheese and topping it with shredded lettuce is a no-brainer, folks.  Did I mention that guacamole comes FREE with veggie tacos?!!!  So you order it on the side, saving yourself a small bundle and only have to pay for a crisp bag of homemade chips with the flavors of citrus lime & giant sea salt (I search for the ones with the most visible salt, I’m not gonna lie).  Now you’ve got a meal fit for a queen.  Enough to share with her king – if desired – as long as that king gets his own tacos / burrito / you get the picture.

I don’t do beans in my veggie tacos.  No, thanks.  I guess any miniscule amount of protein in this meal is coming from the cheese or the guac. 

Have I ever mentioned to you, my faithful readers, that the perfect pairing for any Chipotle food is lemonade?  Rarely do I order this beverage anywhere else.  (Penn Station back east is an exception to this rule, since their lemonade is home squeezed deliciousness.)  But the tart tanginess of lemonade is the just the right compliment to the fresh Baha flavors of Chipotle. 

My husband is a big fan of the Tabasco sauce options they have available as well.  You can choose from original Tabasco, the milder green jalapeno Tabasco or his favorite: the smoky chipotle Tabasco.  I really don’t need any extra flavors accompanying my meal, but many find these options a delightful addition.

I also like that Chipotle is trying to be part of the food solution, rather than the problem.  Doing things like supporting local farms, using organic produce, etc.  It’s probably not as much as they could do (only done “when practical”), but it’s something.  It’s awareness.  It’s “food with integrity”, as noted on the front page of their website.

My one complaint (other than the constant cilantro overdose):  Chipotle is stingy with their toppings.  I have to ask for “extra” on every topping but lettuce.  Including my main ingredient of peppers & onions!!  My husband asked for “extra” salsa, received about 1/3 of what he wanted, asked for more and received about another 1/3 and just gave up. 

Friday, January 21, 2011

What’s the big deal about chili?

It’s the ultimate cold weather (perfect for today), game day, manly food: chili.  But I just don’t see what all the fuss is about, frankly.  It’s okay.  Just not something I’ve found that tempts me all that much.  I know lots of people like it super hot, with habaneras, etc.  And some people put a mixture of steak, pork, and other fancy meat in it, along with the required beans and tomato sauce base.  Some people simmer theirs for hours on end, while others make it up quick in a few minutes. 

Lately it seems people get very excited about chili cook-offs, where someone is crowned the chili king.  Even recently at a work party (I was unable to attend, unfortunately) they had just such a contest and one of the winners was someone who simply poured out several cans of chili Hormel-style.  This boggles the mind as canned chili is one of the nastiest food products on the market, in my humble opinion.  (Though paired with Velveeta it can make a yummy chili cheese dip with tortilla chips – but be sure to get the no-bean variety.)

A few years back our church had a couple chili cook-off contests, where every person voted with their pocket change for their favorite chili and the proceeds went to the winner’s specified mission organization.  I’m pretty sure one year’s winner was a beanless creamy chicken chili.  (The best kind, in my book, but some would say it’s not chili without beans.)  I think that’s probably stretching the definition of “chili” a bit far since it was a cream sauce base, no beans, etc but it did have jalapenos in it, so maybe that counts for something.  And anyway, since I’m not a big fan of chili, it was tops in my book.  I even coerced the recipe from the winners.

My mom’s chili was unique.  It was sweet!  My dad has a big sweet tooth, so that was just how he liked it.  I’m not sure exactly how much brown sugar she put in it, but it had to be a lot.  And she cooked it for several hours.  But it was still a traditional tomato sauce base with beans and ground beef. 

For some reason (blame it on the school cafeteria, maybe?) I’ve always preferred a much more “tomato” taste to my chili.  I don’t like it spicy (the chili, that is) and I don’t prefer it sweet.  I like a mild tomato flavor, not too thick and not too runny.  And the beans aren’t my favorite, but I can do them in small portions.  I’ve even found I like lean ground turkey in my chili, though it’s not as good in some other things.  My sister-in-law graced me a few years back with her recipe, which is just right for this Goldilocks.  I know others have their opinions on chili and this might not fit your bill, but it does mine. 

Crockpot Chili Recipe
4 cans (15 0z) tomato sauce
36 oz tomato juice
15 oz water
2 cans light kidney beans, drained & rinsed
2 lbs. cooked ground beef or turkey (add onion & garlic powder to taste while cooking – I cook mine in a Pampered Chef Micro-Cooker)
1 medium onion, chopped (or onion flakes)
Sugar, to taste (approx 1/8 – ¼ C)
Chili powder, about 1 tsp

Line crockpot with disposable liner.  Combine all ingredients and cook on low for 8 hrs. 

**I usually cut this recipe in half for just Jake & I, which provides a couple meals each.

We haven’t even mentioned all the chili fixins that go with!  Some people crumble crackers, others Fritos (though not usually any other kind of tortilla / corn chips).  Lots of people take theirs with a good helping of shredded cheese on top.  Me?  I like mine plain.  Crackers are basically just hard bread, which when crumbled into soup just get soggy.  Doesn’t get much nastier for me than soggy bread.  And chips aren’t far behind in that category.  The cheese just gets stringy and annoying.  Better to just leave it alone and taste the richness of the chili by itself, if you ask me.  And this way it still fits on a gluten-free diet!  But the cinnamon rolls that are a common side to a bowl of chili don’t fit on that diet, of course.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


When my younger brother & sister-in-law came to stay with us over the holidays, they mentioned that they’ve been using to help save money and try new meal ideas.  After they told us about it, it seemed like I kept hearing about it everywhere.  Basically, you pay E-Mealz $1.25 a week to get weekly meal plans, either for a family of four or a family of two.  And you can choose from a variety of grocery stores that you shop at (Walmart, Aldi, Kroger/Baker’s) and a variety of specialty plans (low fat, gluten-free, Weight Watchers, etc).  Total grocery costs vary from week to week, but they try to stay in the $75 / week for a family of 4 (7 meal plans) and $35 / week for a family of 2 (5 meal plans).  You download the meal plans and the grocery shopping list together each week.  Meals are generally quick and simple.  E-Mealz was founded by moms, so it’s family-friendly.

I’m not sure this will work for us, as we have difficult eating issues (no cheese, gluten-free for now) and a pretty tight budget - $40 for 5 meals would be too expensive.  (I know that’s a shock to some of you that currently spend more than that, but we’re pretty lean on our food budget.)  If it ranged closer to $30 for 5 meals, I’d probably go for it, just to try out some new meals and have them planned for me.  But from the sample meal plans / shopping lists I’ve seen on their website, it looks like closer to $40 for the healthier options especially.  Time savings is always a factor too, though.  So for some that may be the greatest benefit.  And not having to come up with your own meal ideas. 

E-Mealz is Dave Ramsey-approved.  I’m not sure how I feel about him just yet, but I know a lot of people are followers of his.  So if you’re one of those, you should know that he’s involved since that might up the anty for you some.

Have you tried E-Mealz?  What’s your take?

Monday, January 17, 2011

Embarking on a Gluten-Free Diet

My husband has had some recent health issues and as a result, his doctor has prescribed a gluten-free diet for at least the time being.  This is not a surprise to either of us, as I’d already indicated it might be something he should try.  His mother started on this diet last year and the doctor agreed that since that is genetic, it could be very possible that a gluten-free diet would help Jake.  Further testing, along with a food journal, will determine if this should be a lasting change.

I’m all about focusing on the positive.  There are LOTS of things he CAN have on a gluten-free diet!!  Rice, corn, and potato products are all very prevalent and all on his approved diet list.  We (aka ME) are also very excited to try a few new things like quinoa.  I’m not sure Jake would ever have been excited to try new foods (other than seafood) but he’s definitely willing to now, thankfully.  I’m just sure this is my chance to change him to a cheese-lover!  Well, if not, maybe a sweet potato lover?  Coconut?  We’ll see. 

I’ve already found some good resources for gluten-free products and we’re blessed to live in an area with a plethora of good resources for such things. Many restaurants here are gluten-free friendly and we have good health food stores or sections in our stores. Even our Walmart has a small gluten-free section!  But mostly we’ve talked about trying to eat more fruits & veggies and lean protein, less processed junk anyway, even before this diet came on.  So that fits well within the parameters of his special diet anyway!  Eating more seasonal produce will stretch Jake too, but it will help the budget AND we'll be doing our part to promote healthier produce practices overall.  Besides, potatoes are in season and they’re not scary.  Frozen and canned veggies will be our friends too.

If you have some great gluten-free recipes (many of you probably do & don’t even know it!) or gluten-free friendly restaurant suggestions, please pass them on!  It’s funny, but I haven’t been so excited about menu planning, grocery shopping & cooking for quite awhile.  This is just the new challenge I’ve apparently been waiting for!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Essential Cookbooks

Also inspired by the “Ten Tips for Getting Comfortable in the Kitchen” blogpost, this post is focusing on my essential cookbooks.  I have several, but none of them are easy to purchase.  Mostly because mine are made up mostly of recipe cards from friends & family. 

When I got married, I received one of my favorite gifts EVER.  The wives of our groomsmen presented me with a small photo album that was filled with cards of their favorite recipes.  Appetizers, Breads, Salads, Main Dishes, Desserts and Misc. are the wonderful categories that fill the pages.  And these women have blessed me more than they’ll ever know.  I use these recipes CONSTANTLY.  I’ve filled the blank pages with other recipes from friends & family, to the point where I have no more blank pages & had to start another photo album of recipes. 

Another cookbook I received when I got married was the Betty Crocker cookbook.  Mine is a spiral bound softcover cookbook that encompasses all the essential cooking techniques from soft, hard or medium boiled eggs to cooking times and techniques for various kinds of rice.  And so much more.  It’s been a great go-to tool.  It has a great recipe for buttercream frosting that I’ve used more times than I can count.  Just the perfect reference cookbook.  I also got the Better Homes & Gardens hardbound binder cookbook, but after years of sitting dusty on my shelf, I finally chucked it (or, more likely, sold it at Half Price Books) in favor of my beloved Betty, since they were very similar in use.

My family will forever be indebted to my home church, Madison church of Christ in Brooklyn, Iowa, for their 2 church cookbooks.  Several of my mother’s best recipes are listed in the pages of these cookbooks and would probably be lost without these printings.  I’m pretty sure all of my siblings have at least one of the cookbooks.  Sometimes it’s tricky to remember which cookbook has which recipe and more than once someone has been forlorn to find they don’t have the right one for the recipe they desire.  But those of us who have both can usually come through for them. 

I have several Pampered Chef recipe books.  And there are many recipes in each book I refer back to on occasion.  But they change their books & products so often that it’s a bit hard to recommend them to anyone.  I do find their “All the Best” cookbook to be quite a good compilation, though. 

Lastly, I have two binders of recipes that I’ve collected over the years that are great resources for me.  For years I received cooking magazines as Christmas gifts from Mom.  And I found that if I left the recipes of interest in the magazines, I would never refer back to them.  But if I cut out the recipes (and their corresponding pictures!) and pasted them in a binder together, I would have a much greater chance of actually making them later on.  And just as the author of the post above noted, it’s important to keep track of your progress.  If I make a recipe out of the book & like it, it gets a big checkmark.  If not, it gets a big “X” through the recipe so I know not to make it again. Some recipes I’ve had to tweak, & I (usually) remember to notate the changes for future reference.

I’m definitely in the market for a good copy of Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” but it is quite pricey.  I’m not sure how much I’ll use it, but I know I won’t if I never get it.  And I’d like to try that style of cooking more.  I keep saying that if someone wanted to pay my way to cooking school in France (just for the fun of it, to learn the techniques, but not to become an actual chef), I’d definitely take them up on it!

What cookbooks are essential for you?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Music in the Kitchen

This blog post idea was spawned by the previous post I reposted on “Ten Tips For Getting Comfortable in the Kitchen”.  Ha!  Don’t even try to say that ten times fast.  Anyway, the author of that post indicated that having an inviting kitchen is essential for being a better cook.  I really like that notion.  And there are several things that go along with having an inviting kitchen according to that author: cleanliness, practical arrangement, good organization of tools, and lastly, music.  (I’m sure there are other essentials left off this list.)

Now, having music in the kitchen is not something I’d have really thought about as an essential before.  But that caught my eye.  I definitely enjoy putting on music when I’m in the kitchen, whether it’s doing dishes or cooking (most times it’s both, running together).  Usually I like quite peppy tunes for that time, to inspire and motivate me.  It definitely makes the time spent there more fun for me.  In years past, when we lived in our Cincinnati apartment, I would have the TV on while I cooked.  I just liked listening to something while I worked.  But I have to say, I do prefer the melodic sounds of music over the cadence of just voices. 

John Mayer, Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Kanye West, The Roots, Derek Trucks Band, Dixie Chicks, Grace Potter & The Nocturnals.  These have all been played in my kitchen.  Don’t get me wrong – this is not a complete list nor do I listen exclusively to upbeat music.  But these are good food for the soul while I make food for the stomach.

What do you listen to in your kitchen (if anything)?

Friday, January 7, 2011

No Good, Rotten Raisins

Some of you out there have just been deeply offended simply by the title of this post!  For that, I am sorry.  But for the rest of us that have ever bitten into a chocolate covered nut, just to find out it was in fact a raisin in disguise, you understand the title completely.  Worse: to think you’re about to taste the delicious delight of an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie only to have it all come crashing down at the realization you’ve been utterly duped once again by the sneaky sneak who substituted stupid raisins for the awesomeness of chocolate chips. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t actually mind raisins, for the most part.  But with few exceptions, they do not belong in baked goods.  Do not ruin a good bread pudding with needless squishy raisins.  Do not put them in a cookie meant only to be enhanced by chocolatey goodness.  Do NOT make a whole pie out of them!  You can sprinkle them in salads or eat a handful as a snack.  But don’t cook with them.  (This said, I actually don’t mind a good oatmeal raisin cookie when I know it’s supposed to be an oatmeal RAISIN cookie vs. a chocolate chip one.  However, if given the option, I will choose the chocolate chip one EVERY TIME.)

The only thing worse than a wrinkled raisin?  One that’s been replumped in the baking/cooking process.  Gross.  Nasty.  Wretched.

One of the only foods my mom hated was raisins.  She liked other kinds of dried fruit, like cranberries & cherries.  But I am so, so thankful that she abhorred the use of raisins.  Her cookies and baked goods were always safe from the above-mentioned mistaken-identity horrors. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Good Healthy(ish) Snacks

Recently I discovered a couple great snacks that I deem worthy of note on this here blog.  At any given time, you’ll probably find one these in my cupboard, fridge or purse:

Kraft 100 Calorie cheese bites packs are sent from heaven.  They are perfect for me, the cheese-lover that never gets cheese in my meals!  And they are nice portion control as well.  I usually buy one package (5 individual packs included) per 2 week shopping trip, so I try to spread it out & not eat all the packs right away.  They come in so handy when I need something a bit more substantive and salty.  They come in a variety of flavors, but all I’ve ever tried are the Cheddar & Monterey Jack.  Yum.
Nature Valley’s new Granola Thins are fantastic.  They have two kinds: Dark Chocolate or Peanut Butter, which means the crispy granola bar is dipped into that particular coating.  I’m not always a huge fan of peanut butter, so all I’ve had are the Dark Chocolate ones.  They are AMAZING!  They are healthier (i.e. lower in fat / calories) than a full granola bar and are completely satisfying as a sweet snack. 

Monday, January 3, 2011

Just Thinking About Food Is Bad

I have a good friend that is in the fitness profession.  She is a constant encouragement to me to be healthy.  I love that!  She’s not annoying or harpy, just helpful.  Awhile back she sent me an article that evidenced research showing that certain people are prone to gain weight by just thinking about food.  Ugh!!  Are you kidding me?!  I’m positive I’m one of those people.  That, in and of itself, must be why I can’t lose weight.  Because thinking about weight-loss foods makes me fat too!

The research showed that prolonged thought about food would actually increase the size of someone’s fat cells when that person is already overweight, thus making them even heavier.  Crazy.  And disheartening.  Just another case of when the fat get fatter!  (Similar to the rich getting richer / poor getting poorer.  You get the idea.)

This kind of situation is not ideal for me, as thinking about food is how I spend my spare time (i.e. blogging). 

However, just yesterday I heard on the radio a snippet about a study showing that if you think about a certain food you’re craving for a long time, you’ll eat less of it.  That directly contradicts my life experience, though I’d love to believe it’s true.  (Seems one study is contradicting the other, too.)  But if I’m really craving something, it’s usually something I don’t have in my house, and thus it takes quite a lot of time for me to fulfill that craving.  Sometimes days.  (Usually these cravings are for sushi, Mexican or Chinese food.  Sometimes it’s ice cream.  All of which require extra non-budgeted spending cash.  I guess my new budget is helping me be healthier in even unexpected ways.)  So at that point I’ve been thinking about it a lot in the period of prolonged time it takes me to satisfy said craving.  (And thus, according to study #1, getting fatter the whole time just thinking about that particular food!)  When I actually indulge in the craving, I’m usually to the point where I feel the need to cram it all in my mouth at once, like I’ll never have another meal – especially not one as satisfying as that one – again!!  I can’t think of a time when I actually ate LESS of it because I’d been craving it for so long.

Boy, I’m exhausted just thinking about it all.  Probably because my fat cells have increased exponentially at the thought, thus slowing my body down and making me tired.

Oh, and of course I don’t have that article my friend sent me.  I’m sure I ate it just to get rid of the horrifying evidence.