I Don’t Do: Spicy Hot

I’ve mentioned our newfound love of “Man v. Food” on the Travel Channel.  We finished with season 1 episodes on Netflix Instant and have moved on to season 2.  And several of the episodes have focused on eating challenges with extremely spicy food.  This has prompted me to let you all know that I don’t do spicy hot food.  Sure, I love a good medium salsa and can do a jalapeno every now & then, though I’d prefer the seeds were removed for good measure since that’s where the real heat comes from.  But when it comes to the kind of spice that can remove your stomach lining from your body, I’m out.  Way out. 

I simply don’t understand the appeal of food that can actually do you harm.  I don’t think the flavor can be good enough to get past the heat-induced CRYING that comes with.  I do not want to eat something that when the residue is wiped onto a napkin that is then wiped onto my face by accident, IT WILL BURN MY SKIN.  (Yes, that happened to him one time on the show.)  And I never want to consume something that makes me feel “like I swallowed a porcupine”.  (He referenced this phrase twice during heat challenges.  Gross.  And ow.)

I know there are whole cultures of people that enjoy truly spicy food.  I am glad to not be a part of that culture.  I’m from the culture of cream of mushroom soup, people. 

So know this:  when I go to a Thai restaurant, I will order a #2 on a scale of 10.  At my favorite Indian restaurant, I order the very mild chicken korma, that comes creamy & delicious with no spicy heat present.  When ordering Mexican, I will enjoy the chicken enchilada, topped with a mild sauce & creamy cheese.  I do not add hot sauce to anything except my chicken pot pie recipe, and only then do I add about 3 DROPS to the whole pan of creamy sauce. 

If you want spicy hot heat, you better find somewhere else to eat.